I’m usually more easily and more viscerally attracted to men than women, but I seem to develop emotional connections with women more easily than I do with men. Perhaps that’s because I’m generally more nervous around hot guys than I am around hot girls.

My dad is Nigerian and was vocally homophobic as I grew up. I knew he was in the wrong, and my mother and I (obviously, my mother knew about me before I did) would argue with him about it. I have never seen eye-to-eye with my dad about much. I would like to think that his influence didn’t have much of an effect on my own delayed coming-of-age in the same way that his influence didn’t have much of a conscious effect on the rest of the things I am interested in— but I can’t be sure of the unconscious influence his culture had on me.”

I’m always hesitant to call what I experience “racism.” It’s often that, over the course of a sexual encounter, someone will reveal that it is a novelty for them to sleep with a non-white guy. And it’s baffling to me that they think their comments along the lines of, ‘I’ve never slept with a black guy before’ are welcome—or even that they think such a thing is worth noting.